please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
