I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
