I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
