doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
