He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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