one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
