i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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