The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
