Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
