eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
