Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
