I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
