I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
