I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
