My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
