I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
