Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
