i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
