I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
