I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
