How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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