she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
