This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
