I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
