I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
