If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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