she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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