im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
