he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
