I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
