You're my little dorito
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
