I must be too annoying 4 u.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
