My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
