i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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