I am in a vortex of obligation.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
