I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
