she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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