No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
