I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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