The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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