I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
