Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
