So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
