I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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