As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
