You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
