i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
