No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
