Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
