Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
