Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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