You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
