so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
