is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
