So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
